A Bad Habit That’s Toxic to Relationships

In any relationship, there are a handful of habits that will produce disastrous results. Some of the more common issues are lying, cheating, or lack of communication.

But there are some relationship issues that can be quite difficult to spot.

For example, you hear people touting the idea of communication. “You’ve got to communicate. Communication is key.”

And it’s true, communication is a solid pillar in any relationship.

But few people really talk about what that means.

What exactly is communication? And is there a difference between communication and good communication?

It’s often easy for people in a relationship to think they’re communication is good. But there is a really sneaky habit that can work its way into your communication and drive the relationship apart.

That habit is shaming.

I speak from experience when I say that it’s incredibly easy to get wrapped up in shaming your loved one. Few habits will drain your love bucket more than the act of shaming.

If you really think about it, everyone on this planet is doing the best they can with what they have and what they’ve been taught. We’re all trying to grow and improve in our own way.

We’re all just kids here, really. Inside every one of us is a small child that didn’t quite get to blossom in all the ways it wanted to.

And so now we’re trying to hash things out as adults, and we often fail. Every one of us falls short, misses the mark, or just downright isn’t good enough.

Your partner is no different.

So what people tend to do in relationships is blame and shame. And it’s toxic.

Shaming occurs whenever you try to get your partner to change something about themselves by pointing it out and telling them that it’s bad.

It’s a way for us to project onto our loved ones the shame that we feel inside ourselves. So in order to stop shaming your partner for the ways that they’re not perfect, you first have to stop shaming yourself…which is a much harder habit to detect. Self-blame is often quiet and automatic.

But if you have just a little bit of compassion for yourself as an imperfect being, you’ll have a much easier time refraining from shaming your partner.

Remember, we’re all just kids here.

We’re trying to play in a difficult world that can be mean and cruel. So we have to learn to have compassion…for ourselves and for the people we’re in relationship with.

It has often been said that we tend to hurt the ones we love the most.

This doesn’t have to be this way. By accepting yourself fully and understanding that you’re just doing the best you can, it becomes much easier to do this for your partner.

It’s probably one of the hardest things to do to encourage your partner when they fall short. It’s incredibly hard.

But if you build the habit of supporting your partner through difficult things, not only will you help them become better, but you’ll also have a renewed sense of confidence in yourself.

Encouragement is highly contagious. And when you engage in it, it will effect everything in your life in a highly positive way.

So learn to become your partner’s cheerleader.

And learn to become your own cheerleader.

To start, you just have to set a more accurate benchmark of what’s reasonable to expect from a bunch of imperfect people in a difficult and imperfect world.

Remember, we’re all just kids here.

Find the kid in the person you love and cherish every effort they make. You’ll see things change in no time.

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