Happy New Year, comrade.
As with every year, the new year for me is a time of deep reflection.
Last year I set seven resolutions for myself and met them successfully. It was an intense lesson in self-discipline and self-confidence. Now that I have proven to myself that I can commit to my goals, I can safely move away from having to prove myself.
This year I am choosing to not place any restrictions on myself. I want to leave myself completely open to question all assumptions I have about who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m headed.
Through my deep thoughts and conversations, I have realized that so much of my energy has been spent trying to get where I wanted to go…trying to be who I wanted to be…
And I realized that, in one form or another, just about everyone on the planet is doing this.
And you’re doing it too.
Whether it’s making more money, having more friends, losing more weight, earning more time freedom, having more fun, or buying more stuff, we’re all in a constant pursuit of “more” and “better.”
At what point can we just be completely satisfied with where we are now and what we’re doing now?
How many times do we wake up excited?
How many times do we say, “I love who I am now. I love what I get to do today.”?
If you’re like me, and probably most people, the answer is likely, “Not many.”
As a reader of my blog, I am going to make some assumptions about you:
- You are on a spiritual path.
- You are growing more conscious of yourself every day.
- You’re seeking answers about yourself and the world/universe around you.
- You are constantly trying to break free into a new existence of promise, hope, and happiness.
- You want something more for yourself than the world has given you and/or promised you.
- You aim to continuously improve your knowledge, your wisdom, and your quality of life.
These are all very good things indeed.
But how much of them is too much?
If life is a balance, as I very much believe it to be…then how much of “self improvement” can be stated quite simply as contentedness now?
At what point do you take time to not grow…to not evolve…to not seek more?
At what point do you simply allow yourself to just be?
What if — right now — you are the absolute most perfect version of yourself you could ever hope to be?
And what if by striving to be more, you’re actually keeping yourself stuck and spinning in the same karmic wheel that you’ve been stuck in your whole life without even fully recognizing it?
What if the fastest way to being “better” or “more” is to stop trying to be “better” or “more?”
Maybe there’s a hyper-speed shortcut to your greatest self-realizations and it starts by not trying to get there…maybe you will get there only by allowing yourself to stand completely still and be exactly where you are right now.
I know many of these things to be true, as I have witnessed them in many areas of my life…yet I still can’t allow myself to fully embrace this fact. And as a result I continue to fall into the trap of using my own limited version of free will and relying on my own volition to get myself where I need to go.
But somewhere deep inside of me, I know that this is not the way? So why do I keep falling victim to it?
That’s a question that I may never be able to answer.
The truth is that the times in my life when I’ve been the happiest and most content are the times when I wasn’t desperate to get where I needed to go. I simply stated what I would like to experience and then I did what I needed to do in the present moment. That’s it. All of the logistics seemed to happen on their own.
As humans, we have been programmed to constantly wonder about the “how” of our desired experiences…but what if this entire time we’ve only really been responsible for figuring out the “what”?
What if we are infinitely creative creatures held captive only by our own mental constructs?
I know a lot of this seems like coffee shop, freshman Philosophy 101. But perhaps we could all use a bit more of ‘getting back to the basics.’
What are the basics of your life?
What are the things that are absolutely true for you right now and what do you want to be true for you in the remaining 364 days of 2018?
And what can you do (or not do) right now in order to be where you want to be?
And what the heck is stopping you from being that right now? Are you sure? Can you be absolutely sure?
What if absolutely nothing is stopping you from being what you truly want to be right now?
What if all you want to be is present and happy?
What if you currently have an amazing life…and any improvements from here on out are just icing on the cake?
Is this even possible for you?
Recently I have very much questioned whether this is possible for me.
And what I have decided is true (for now) is that I am a human, biological organism that is almost guaranteed to fail if left up to my own devices.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and turn my day over to a higher intelligence.
When I arise tomorrow, I will not assume to know anything. And I will not strive to be anywhere.
Tomorrow, even if just for tomorrow, I will be a blank slate…the most present blank slate that I can be.
And when I get out of bed, I will simply say: “I don’t know…but I’m going to try.”
It has been said that uncertainty is the chink in a person’s armor that allows the light to enter.
May the chink in your armor allow the light to enter into your life.
A sincere happy 2018 to you…and thanks for being my comrade.