…in fact they’re quite far from it.
In most cases, we can just shrug it off and deal with it. But every once in a while the other person’s real demons come out.
It’s at this point when you just want to throw your hands up and throw in the towel. Sometimes you’d love nothing more than to point a big, fat finger in your partner’s face and tell them to go fancy themselves.
But, hey, brother…you and I both know that ain’t gonna get you nowhere. And the reality is that, after you cool down, you’re not going to feel too great about using that kind of language toward your loved one.
So how do you tell your partner to go fancy themselves in a way that inspires them to change?
How do you convince your partner that their behavior is making your life worse?
What if you could show them that their behavior is actually making their own life worse?
The truth is, you’ll never be able to change someone if they’re not open to changing. And spending even ten seconds trying to figure out how is a complete waste of your time.
Even if your partner openly admits, on good days, that they really want to change…
…guess what: they don’t.
In order for them to truly want to change, one of two things has to happen:
1) They have to be absolutely fed up with their current behavior, or
2) They must clearly be able to see how changing will positively impact their own life.
Change usually involves pain and discomfort, especially when it revolves around a person’s flaws or shortcomings.
So instead of trying to force them to change, which is what most people do…why not inspire them to make the change on their own?
The first thing you have to do is bring up your concern with your partner, and there are two ways of doing this.
The first way looks something like this:
And the second way is more like this:
You can try all you want to “ram” your concerns into your partner’s head, forcing them to change “or else”.
Or, you can try the more graceful (and more effective) approach which is loving them unconditionally.
The truth is you can’t change your partner. It’s impossible.
But before you go accusing me of misleading you with the title of this article…there is one simple way that you can allow and inspire your partner to make the change that they know they need to make.
And the answer might strike you as rather paradoxical, but it works nonetheless:
Stop trying to change your partner.
When you give up trying to change someone, the change can finally happen on its own. Seriously — it works!
Consider the flower bud waiting to bloom:
Sure, you could physically pry open the petals and open it yourself…
…but then you wouldn’t have much of a flower, would you?
If you want the flower to blossom into the splendid glory that you know awaits it, then you must be patient and allow the flower to undergo the transformation on its own.
If you back your partner into a corner then they’re going to react like a trapped animal: ferociously.
Instead, you can win your partner over every time by allowing and seeing past their flaws.
And when the time is right, feel free to talk about it. Just make sure you don’t do it in the heat of the moment.
For best results, wait until the concern surfaces naturally when you both feel good.
Important tip: When voicing a concern about your partner’s behavior, always be sure you use “I” statements when talking about your feelings.
For example, “You piss me off.” is not a feeling. “I feel angry when…” is a feeling. Try to avoid using the word “You” as much as possible.
This is important because “you” statements can easily be interpreted as attack.
Not only that, but you’re basically telling your partner that your feelings are their fault.
They’re not. Your feelings are your responsibility and no one else’s.
You are your own person, capable of choosing any way you want to feel. Remember that, comrade.
You are not your spouse. And your spouse isn’t you.
If you believe that your partner is responsible for your feelings, then you are engaging in co-dependency, which is one of the most widespread and, in my opinion, dangerous habits that couples fall into.
With that being said, there is nothing wrong with inspiring your partner to make changes in his or her life that will improve the quality of your life, their life, and/or the health of the relationship.
And it just so happens that I know the best way to do that.
The advice I’m about to give you is so incredible that it cannot be openly discussed. This information is totally confidential.
Before continuing, you must promise not to share this secret with your partner. Doing so could dampen the magic.
Let this be our little secret, got it comrade?
The #1 best way to get your partner to change is to do it from the control panel in your own personal war room.
Yes, that’s right. The best way to change your spouse is by using your own mind.
Whenever you have a free moment, focus on your partner either by looking at him/her or by imagining them in your mind.
Then, visualize yourself pouring buckets of Love all over them.
Take a few moments to imagine shrouding them in Pure, Unconditional Love.
This is the #1 best way to get your partner to change.
If you don’t believe me, then try it for yourself.
Do it. Seriously. Try it for a week and tell me if you notice the difference.
To change your partner, you must Love your partner. Specifically: Unconditionally Love.
If you can master this mental art, you will allow your partner to undergo massive transformation in their lives.
Not only that, but you will have a radically different relationship in just a small amount of time.
In fact, this simple little technique is so incredibly powerful that you can literally affect anyone or anything.
Whether it’s your boss, a squirrel, a flower, or a peanut…Love will unlock all the secrets. It will draw out the answers that you need in order to spark change in the world around you.
Love is magical because it is not only a giving force…it is also a receiving force.
“Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough. Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets, but I have found that when I silently commune with people they give up their secrets also – if you love them enough.” -George Washington Carver
Why This Works:
I want to point out that this isn’t some hippy dippy nonsense about rainbows and unicorns. The power of Love is a real force and it’s based in the fundamental concepts of quantum physics.
Love is one of the highest emotional energies known to mankind. And when you project this Love onto others, it can create Powerful, lasting change that no amount of anger, jealousy, hatred, abuse, neglect, or manipulation can accomplish.
Love unravels negativity and opens the door for light to shine.
In order for your partner to make a change in life, he or she needs energy.
And, with Love, you can literally give that person energy through the unseen cosmic web of reality.
The next time your partner’s mood or behavior is difficult for you, simply Love on them.
The more, the better.
It’s that simple.
Remember that you can’t make a plant grow…but with Love, you can nurture the plant and help it to grow stronger and yield more delicious fruit.
But, seriously…don’t believe me!
(I now offer email coaching for married men. Click here for more info.)