It’s been a while. I’ve been investing vertically in fully embracing the chaos of freedom…
Sometimes you’re in the zone, sometimes you’re trippin’ somewhere out in another galaxy.
Since you last read my words, I’ve been living a loose-cannon lifestyle. After my several year-long discipline experiments, I began to be seduced by a more chaotic lifestyle. It’s been extremely liberating to live a lifestyle in which I mostly allow my body to self regulate my behavior. I don’t try to be, do, or have…I mostly just exist (with a slight emphasis on ensuring that I continue to build a good life for my family).
For me, life is a constant experiment.
I can’t take anyone’s word for how I should live my life. It sucks, honestly. I wish I could rely on other people to create an amazing life for me.
In some ways they did, though. I have a house. Warmth. Clean water. Easy access to food. Etc, etc…
But as I get older, I realize with increasing frequency that nobody is more equipped to navigate my life than me.
Scary in some ways. Extremely freeing and gratifying in other ways.
What does this mean?
It means no one’s lived your life before!
No one’s lived your story. You are writing that story right now. What do you want it to look like?
For me, I’ve always been a deviant. My life requires the freedom to do things that, frankly, many people are going to find utterly unacceptable.
I’ve come to terms with this about myself. And it’s always a struggle balancing this deviant behavior with some generally-accepted social norms that are probably a good idea to subscribe to.
But listen…you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. At least that’s the case in my hometown, America. In America, we’re generally pretty free to be as fucking weird as we want…which is a freedom that I’d trade for nothing.
I own a large house in Southern Oregon. It’s amazing. I can go anywhere in these 4000+ sq. ft. and have my own space and freedom to do basically anything that I want.
I set my own hours. Sometimes I have no hours. Sometimes I work all day. Sometimes I naturally wake up at 6 or 7 and feel pumped and productive. Other times I seem to find it difficult to extract myself from bed before 1pm.
Isn’t everyone like this?
I suppose most people don’t have the freedom to be like this.
Many people live a lifestyle they can’t stand. Many people can’t miss work even if they’re ill.
Many people talk, talk, talk about how much discipline and motivation they have. But how many of them can exercise discipline over their discipline?
For some people, the thought of laying in bed all day sounds awful. But if you’re someone who loves to lay in a pile of uselessness and filth, I think that should be celebrated.
It’s just such a beautiful thing to balance life with extremes. One year of intense, hardcore discipline. One year of sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
Is it immature? Is it wrong? Bad? Immoral?
I don’t know. Do an experiment.
That’s what I’m doing.
I’m happy with the freedom. I love the chaos. It’s refreshing and dangerous at the same time.
And only time will tell.
Personally, I believe that you can not achieve anything until you are ready. Your job is not to achieve, as that happens on its own. Your job is merely to commit to the process and be patient.
If you’re not committed to the process that you believe will get you there, then you will never get there.
But when I see so many young people beating their own asses to try and wake up, put on the monkey suit, and go suck up to a flock of bosses, it really gets me down.
I see so many tired people.
Take a rest, tired people.
“But I can’t rest…gotta get money.”
Dude…get your money now. Fast. A lot of it.
You’re going to need a rest. So you need to make sure you amass enough resource to rest when you need to rest.
I’m on the tail-end of a deep rest…as you can probably tell by my infrequent posting. But most recently I have been guided into an amazing new journey that I can’t wait to share with you as it comes to fruition.
I wouldn’t have gotten on this journey if I had done what society demands of you: “nose to the grindstone, don’t look up, don’t ask questions…eat your junk food and look directly at this celebrity’s ass.”
Freedom is integration.
Freedom is healing.
Freedom is space to ponder…space to consider…space to question…and space to dream.
Freedom can be achieved through discipline or the lack thereof.
What’s my favorite word?
Let off the hook once in a while.
And enjoy this thing.