Hey fans, I’ve got a really cool trick to show you. I’ve been using it for the last couple months with mind-blowing success. The concept is extremely simple and you can start using it right away. Immediately you’ll notice the positive effects and in no time at all you’ll begin enjoying a more relaxed social life that’s free from anxiety, awkwardness, and disjointed conversation.
You see, the reason why we struggle socially is because we’re too afraid to let our egos be bruised. Just beneath your awareness is a whole world of psychological defense mechanisms that prevent you from truly connecting with another person.
Maybe you’re closed up because you’re afraid to “reveal too much”. Maybe you’re afraid to be judged. Or maybe you’re afraid that the other person can tell you’re judging them!
The key is to not be afraid. Don’t worry about how you come across. Because you’ll never be able to control how anyone sees you. You might as well just be yourself because people are going to judge you anyway. And when you’re being authentic, you start attracting people in your life that benefit enormously from knowing you. Authenticity is a rare thing these days…it makes you stand out. By being real, you will inspire others’ desire to be genuine too.
But being authentic will only get you halfway to the goal I promised in the title of this article…
You gotta know when it’s the right time to be authentic…because it’s less often than you think. If you go around on blast about “me, me, me…look how real I am….” then you’re going to turn people off. You’ll know when the time is right. They’ll ask about you…they’ll wanna know how you think…they’ll seek out your presence.
In order to TRULY be authentic, first you have to figure out who you are. This might be a long process. So I want to offer you this cool trick that will cut through the sometimes-arduous journey of self-exploration.
Let me save you some hassle: your true self is actually nobody.
You aren’t anyone. You’re just a fragment of light shooting out of the prism. Your identity is identity-less…self-less.
As you become spiritually more masterful, a funny thing will happen: you’ll start to care less about “me, me, me” and you’ll develop an insatiable urge to help others. And, ladies and gentlemen, the best way to help ANYONE is to listen to them. Hear their words, feel their emotion, listen to their spirit.
This is something you can put to use right away. But when you do, you’ll undoubtedly encounter some internal resistance at first. This is due to the fact that your ego is basically a 2-year-old little girl in a bright pink, sequin tutu. Your ego desperately wants to tell the world how great it is. Or even how horrible it is. Either way, your ego wants to be seen and noticed.
The ego is so wrapped up in the level of form that it cannot easily see the greater paradox of truth: if you want to be noticed, you’ve got to notice others. If you want people to like you, you’ve got to like them. The best way to do this is to show genuine, authentic interest in what that person’s saying.
This will be hard at first because you’ll be distracted by all the stupid thoughts going through your head. So in order to implement this strategy with incredible success, there’s just ONE THING you need to do:
Presence, comrade. Presence.
In order to have winning conversation with anyone…without having to DO anything…you just need to BE.
Try it for yourself. The next time you’re talking to someone, just remember to be present. It cuts through all bullshit. When you’re fully present, you don’t have any room for anxiety. And when you’re not anxious, you’re calm. When you’re calm, you can actually listen to what the person’s trying to say.
Your goal in conversation is not to assert anything (judgments, opinions, disagreements, etc.): your goal is to listen.
Being present allows you to do this. Be present with all the thoughts that come up. Engage in what the person is trying to say. Notice the background noise. Feel your body. Pay attention to your clothes and how they feel. Just make an effort to notice everything that’s going on — not as separate, isolated entities…
…but as a single, homogeneous experience. In other words, focus not on any one particular thing. Just observe your conscious mind drifting about while simultaneously becoming hyper-aware of your surroundings.
Take all the input that your five senses are gathering, put it in a “blender” and enjoy the experience smoothie. The reason being present allows you to have such good conversation is because it puts you in a state of peace. The reason why people have crappy, disjointed, and uncomfortable conversation is because their emotions are distracting them and getting in the way.
Undo the emotion and you won’t be frantic to be, do, or say anything in particular.
Great conversation happens when you’re calm, relaxed, and still.
Let me ask you this: when a master seeks a desired outcome, where does he go?
Where does the master go when he seeks wisdom?
The answer is the present…the master will always go to the present. That’s where the answers are and that’s where the magic happens.
So until next time, just remember that presence is the ultimate strategy for connecting with other people. Presence is the only tool you need…throw out all the other useless and context-based social skills you were conditioned with in school.
Remember, a good conversationalist is primarily a listener.
It’s a paradox: if you want people to connect with you, you must first learn to connect with them. You do this by being present.
And that’s all I got this time, comrade. Hope this helps!