How to Stop Getting What You Don’t Want

In 2015 I achieved financial freedom.

In 2016 I became complacent and forgot everything I learned.

I ended up exerting a staggering amount of time and energy trying to eliminate undesirable things from my life.

These happened to be things that I really had no control over. But nevertheless, it took almost all of my focus.

Long story short: it didn’t work.

I just got more of the same. And I lost focus on what I did want.

As a result, I felt pretty damn powerless.

I started complaining a lot.

My focus then shifted from what I wanted to what I didn’t want.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not break the cycle.


Lack vs. Abundance

When you really want something, it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the things that are preventing you from having it.

“I can’t have ______ because of ______.”

This is a trap.

It’s a trap designed to get you to fall into a lack mindset.

But a lack mindset will never get you where you want to go.

The moment you equate having what you want with the process of eliminating what you don’t want, you have lost the game.

You must grasp this.

Stop focusing on eliminating undesirable things. Start focusing on gaining desirable things.

The former is a lack mindset. The latter is an abundance mindset.

There is nothing to eliminate.

Nothing is standing in your way.

The things that you think are standing in your way are merely illusions. They will dissipate into nothingness once you stop giving them power.

Your mind is standing in your way.

It may look like a lot is standing in your way.

But nothing is actually there.

It’s all just a mirage.

A game.

Life is a game.

Learn to accept life as a game and get better at playing it.

If you despise the game, you will despise your life.

But if you enjoy the game, you will enjoy your life. It’s that simple.

Every game has rules.

How to Play the Game of Life

First, you need to stop hating the game. Stop blaming the game. And most importantly, stop hating the players.

All of these things are beyond your control.

Second, realize that one of life’s rules is that whatever you focus on becomes real.

Energy flows where attention goes. Remember that. Don’t forget it.

Third, drill it into your brain that you’re always experiencing the things you need to grow.

Everything in front of you is exactly what you need. Find the gold. Pass the test and find the gold.

Don’t dwell on what’s in front of you.

Never dwell.

Use it…

…even if what’s in front of you is tragic.

Especially if it’s tragic.

Every tragedy is a massive opportunity.

So use it. Find the gold.

When you seek the gold, you’re training your mind to focus on what you want.

The game of life is simple, and can be summed up as follows:

Focus on what you want, don’t get distracted by anything else.

The bad news is that this isn’t easy…especially at first. The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect.

We all fall into the snare of misdirected focus. It’s incredibly easy to get distracted.

So I’m going to share with you some tips and strategies you can use to make playing the game of life easier.

Improving Your Odds

It’s the easiest thing in the world to become ensnared. Most of the time you won’t even know it’s happening until you’ve been dragged so far down into the hole that you can’t even see the light of day.

The snare doesn’t happen all at once. It’s like a snake coming up from the ground, slowly wrapping itself around you. At first it makes you feel like you’re being protected, so you submit to the trap. But before you know it, you can’t escape as the snake drags you deep into a hole of negativity.

Luckily for you, there’s a built-in mechanism to help you see the snake before it begins to ensnare you.


As your mind becomes ensnared, you will notice that you start feeling bad. These negative emotions are an indicator that you’ve allowed your mind to begin focusing on what you don’t want.

When you focus on what you don’t want, you will feel bad. When you focus on what you do want, you will feel good.

Learning to identify when this is happening to you will take some practice. I recommend bookmarking this article and re-reading it every time you feel bad.

It’s incredibly difficult to tell when this is happening because as you begin to think negatively, you begin to feel bad. And when you feel bad, it perpetuates your negative thoughts.

It’s a vicious cycle that becomes harder and harder to break.

And the longer you’ve been building this habit, the more difficult it will be to retrain your mind.

Q: How long will it take to retrain my mind?

A: As long as it takes.

It will take as long as it takes.

My suggestion, if you want to speed up the process, is to simply keep your head down and work at it. Don’t look up for the finish line. As soon as you see the finish line you become weaker.

Put your head down and focus. Don’t worry about how long it takes.

Nothing good ever happens when you’re worried about how long something takes. This is a sneaky trap that tricks you into focusing on what you don’t want, which is putting in the time and work necessary to retrain your mind.

I don’t want to set you up for failure by telling you this is easy.

It’s incredibly difficult – even just once – to switch your focus from negative to positive.

It’s even more difficult to continue doing this until the point at which you’ve retrained your mind.

But once it becomes easier, you’ll start enjoying the game a lot more.

As more of your thoughts are redirected into focusing on what you want, you will begin noticing incredible and awesome changes in your life.

This is when the game becomes incredibly addicting. You’ll start to feel power like you’ve never felt before.

All of the things you thought were holding you back will magically begin to disappear.

Money will find you.

Love will find you.

Health will find you.

Meaning and purpose will find you.

Freedom will find you.

It will all happen on its own, because you did the hard internal work.

Making the Game Easier

There are two parts to this section, and we’ll cover both in detail.

  1. Nothing > negative
  2. Getting clear on what you want

These two things will not only make the game easier, but they will be absolutely essential in order to win.

Consider #1 your special ability. It is a super power that can be strategically used to weaken the monsters you encounter.

Consider #2 your armor. The clearer you get on what you want, the more immune you’ll be to taking damage from the monsters. All armor needs to be repaired and maintained, which is why you must revisit your desires frequently in order to keep them strong.

As we’ve discussed in the previous section, once the snake gets a sufficient hold on you, it can be almost impossible to escape. But you can use the following principle as your super power to dramatically weaken the monster:

#1 – Nothing > negative.

What does this mean?

It means that when your mind becomes so focused on what you don’t want, sometimes the best thing you can do is to stop focusing altogether.

Thinking nothing at all is much better than thinking negatively. Focusing on nothing at all is better than dwelling on what you don’t want.

Clearing your mind is a special ability that you always have at your disposal, and it will dramatically tip the battle in your favor.

The monsters in the game of life feed off of your negativity. Take away their food and they become weaker.

Once the monster is weak enough, then you can resume your focus on what you actually want. This is how you slay the monster and progress in the game.

How do you clear your mind?

The way you clear your mind is either by focusing on nothing, or focusing on something entirely different that has a neutral charge.

Several examples of this would include: meditating, exercising, building a fire, playing a game of pool, talking with a friend, playing a sport, going for a run, listening to music, watching a movie, reading a book, playing a video game…the list goes on.

Find something that works for you. The more immersive the activity, the better.

What I’ve found works really well for me are 1) chanting (“Om Ah Hum”) and 2) thinking about sex. These two things almost always dispel negative feelings long enough for me to regain control of my mind.

Side note that if you choose to engage your sexual energy in this process, make a point to harness the energy within your body…don’t expend it. If you expend your sexual energy outside of your body you will feel depleted, making it easier for the activity to backfire afterwards.

If you can’t think anything nice, then don’t think anything at all.

And now we move on to perhaps the most important part of this entire article:

#2 – Getting clear on what you want.

It can be incredibly difficult to get clear on what it is that you want.

As soon as we start thinking about what it is we want, the obstacles begin to show up. We are immediately met with all of the reasons why we can’t have what we want…external circumstances, personal insecurities, limiting beliefs…

…they all leap out of the bush at once to attack you.

The best time to get clear on what you want is when you feel good. This is when you’re the strongest.

The second best time is when you hit rock bottom and have nothing left to lose. This is when you will fight most ferociously.

Realize that you have been conditioned to think in self-destructive patterns and that this is not the way things are or have to be.

Don’t spend time dwelling on all those who have so generously passed down this patterning to you. But understand that these patterns exist even in – no, especially in – the leaders we trust the most: teachers, politicians, religious authorities, counselors, law enforcement officials, your parents, media, television, news…the list goes on and on.

The world around you has gone mad and it is up to YOU, the protagonist, to restore right-mindedness to yourself so that you can then restore it in others.

The first step is learning to focus on what you want.

And to do this, you’ll need to figure out what it is that you want.

The way you do this is by thinking about something that excites you…it could be anything: a new job, building a business, developing a loving relationship, achieving financial freedom, traveling the world, losing weight, building muscle, going on vacation, etc.

It can be anything…as long as it feels good.

The next step is to ask yourself why you want it.

I recommend grabbing a pen and paper and writing this down.

The point is to get absolutely clear on what it is that you actually want. The clearer your are, the stronger your armor will be.

In order to do this, we will have to drill down to the core reason of why you want what you want.

It is not the “what” that will motivate you into committing. It is the “why” that will motivate you.

Every noble hero and archetype in history has a strong “why”. This is what allows them to persist through the arduous journey to victory.

A guideline to finding your “why” is to consider what it is that you truly want to experience…how exactly do you want to feel?

There is a technique I know of that has helped thousands and thousands of people to figure out their true “why”.

It’s called “Seven Layers Deep”.

Get a pen and write “Why do you want ____?” on the left side of the paper. Then on the right, answer why.

On the next line, respond to your answer with another “why”. Then on the right, answer why again.

Do this for seven total rows…not five, not eight…seven.

When you get to the end, you’ll notice that your answers transitioned from coming from the brain to coming from the heart.

And when you know something deep in your heart, your armor becomes invincible. You have found what it is that you really, truly want.

You will remain invincible as long as you dwell in your heart and not your emotions.

Here’s an example:

Seven Layers Deep exercise adapted from "Millionaire Success Habits" book.
Exercise adapted from “Millionaire Success Habits” book.

You can do this process with anything. Whenever you find yourself wanting to do something, you can simply ask yourself “why” seven times and you will arrive at the true desire of your heart.

This process is especially helpful if you’re planning on doing something out of anger or insecurity. It will help you to determine if you’re making a solid decision or a false, reactionary one. For example:

Seven Layers Deep exercise adapted from "Millionaire Success Habits" book.
Exercise adapted from “Millionaire Success Habits” book.

Once you know the true desire of your heart, it helps to commit it to memory. This will come in handy during the times when you cannot clearly feel your heart.

When we feel bad, we tend to lose sight of our true desires. We tend to lose access to the heart.

Negative feelings can be pretty damn deceptive. Don’t let them steer you off course – commit your desire to memory.

Remember what it is you really want the next time you find yourself focusing on what you don’t want.

Because when you focus on what you don’t want, you will always get what you don’t want. It simply cannot be any other way.

The beautiful thing is that the same thing is true when you focus on what you DO want. It simply cannot be any other way.

The hardest villain in the game of life is your own mind. Master your mind and you will master life.

I’d like to leave you with one question:

What do you want?

Good luck to you, comrade.

D/C Russ

One Comment

  1. Urvashi said:

    Woah!!. A lot to reread. Nevertheless thank you for sharing.

    January 3, 2017

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