How to Tell if You’re a Loser (and How to Become a Winner)

Good day, comrade.

You might have noticed that lately I’m on a bit of a mission to purify my email list.

I’d rather have 100 high quality winners than a horde of losers taking up space.

It’s not that I hate losers. I definitely want to help them become winners. But there’s only so much I can do.

If you don’t desire to become a winner, then there’s nothing I can do to help you win. And, sadly, most people don’t want to win.

Most people who read this will unsubscribe. But the people who want to start winning in life will become interested.

“A loser gets offended when you call him a loser. A winner becomes curious and introspective.” -D/C Russ

My mission to help people unleash their “Inner Winner” is two-fold:

1) I first have to separate the wheat from the chaff, so I know where to focus my energies.
2) Then, I have to deliver the cold hard truth to the people with the strength to hear it.

Before doing these things, the most important step I had to take was to admit that I, myself, was a loser. It hurt a lot.

I had one of the biggest egos out there…so accepting the fact that I’m not that great was arduous and painful. The pain lasted for over three years.

The last three years of my life have been failure after failure after failure. Even when something good happened, it ended up blowing up in my face a short time later. All of my victories were underscored by tragedy, keeping me stuck in the loop of failure.

But then I found the secret: humility. As soon as I got my narcissistic, egomaniacal head out of my you-know-what, life started to become more real. I was able to harness my idealism in order to begin thinking realistically.

Accepting you’re a loser is the first step to becoming a winner — I fully believe that.

Step 1: Truly acknowledge your flaws and shortcomings.
Acknowledge your flaws and shortcomings.

For the last three years of my life, I’ve been under the heavy fire of my own scrutiny and, even worse, the scrutiny of others. But worst of all, I had to endure the inferno of the Universe and its most effective teaching tool: pain.

It has taken me three years to realize just how much of a loser I really am. It hurts. It’s not fun to accept.

But you know what’s worse than realizing you’re a loser?

Being a loser and pretending you’re not. That’s called a delusion.

Before those three painful years, I thought I was a winner. I thought I was cool. I thought people liked me. I thought that I was special.

I was living a delusion.

Trapped in a delusion.
Trapped in a delusion.

A while back, I took a personality test. My narcissism was literally off the chart. And, sadly, my reaction to that was, “Awesome…I’m so cool that I’m off the charts!”

It hasn’t been until recently when I really started to realize that narcissism is a horrible disease that has not only been ruining my life, but the lives of others as well.

As a result of blow after blow from the Universe, I’m happy to say that I’m no longer a narcissist. The cure for the disease was those three years of painful admissions coupled with several extremely dumb mistakes that have negatively impacted me and those that I love most in life, including my wife and 2-year-old daughter.

Listen, I’m not here to tell you that I’m a winner and that you should be like me. I’m here to tell you that I’m a recovering loser who thought he was worth something.

That has been the most freeing realization of my entire life. Getting this off my chest has been remarkable. And now I finally feel like I can breathe…

…for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m on the road to becoming a true winner. Some paradox, huh?

forestfire
For a strong, healthy forest to exist, it has to burn down from time to time. Click the image to find out why.

Look, nobody likes the fires of life. But a wise man actively embraces them, seeking to learn everything he possibly can. A wise man intentionally seeks out his ego-demons, so that he can allow them to burn to the ground, for he knows that it is necessary for purification to occur.

Believe me when I say that I understand you don’t want to look at your inner demons. But it’s something that you must do if you ever want anything good in this life.

Put simply: if you want treasure, then you first must walk through the flames.

Lucky for me, I have an amazing wife who has been my closest comrade through it all, thick and thin. She doesn’t let me get away with anything. She has exactly a ZERO tolerance for bullshit. I owe everything to her. And I plan on repaying her back tenfold for the sacrifices she has made in helping me get over my inner BS.

And whereas most (pathetic) men would consider this a curse, I see it as a blessing. Most men would tell their wives to “stop bitching”.

But, for all the fellas in the audience: your wife is usually right. The greatest men in history knew to consult the wisdom and intuition of a good, loyal woman.

But your wife isn’t going to do it FOR you. In fact, she can’t. And that’s probably pretty frustrating.

Lucky for her (and for me), I possess two remarkable characteristics that gave me the ability to lose my ego and start becoming a winner. Anyone can cultivate these two characteristics. In fact, these two characteristics are all you need in order to create the life that you want to live.

The first characteristic is Desire. That is, you have to deeply WANT whatever it is that will sculpt you into the winner you want to be. The second is Persistence, which is the will to keep going no matter how many times you fall.

Two Winning Ingredients
Two Winning Ingredients

With these two characteristics alone, you can go anywhere you want to go, do anything you want to do, and be anyone you want to be. Even if you move along at an excruciatingly slow speed, some day you will be where you want to be.

As for me, I wanted an amazing life so strongly that I was willing to do whatever it took to get it, however long it took me to get it.

And as I began to approach my goals, my ego would flare up:

  • “Ooohh look how many books I wrote.”
  • “Wow I’m smart, I taught myself how to build websites from scratch.”
  • “Look how ridiculous my work ethic is! I can do everything yay!”

When pride got in the way, I fell flat on my face. This cycle will continue for you too if you allow yourself to become cocky and arrogant when you reach your goals.

Let me know if you agree with this statement: you cannot truly be successful until you can do it sustainably.

A ‘success’ in life does not make you ‘successful‘. Only consistent success can do this. Success is a way of being, not a way of doing.

To cultivate this way of being, you have to eliminate lots of obstacles and overcome your limitations.

This means purging yourself of your ego-driven delusions. Among these delusions are pride, youthful idealism, and limiting beliefs.

“Strive not for success until you’ve eliminated unsuccess.” -D/C Russ

According to ancient Chinese proverb, “There is a reason why the world’s greatest seas obtain the allegiance of a hundred mountain streams: it is because they put themselves below those streams.”

The point I’m making is that becoming a winner is paradoxical. Every successful person knows that repeated failure eventually breeds success.

And if you want success, you must first accept your failures. Embrace your flaws as a person. Because they’re not flaws…in reality, they’re teaching tools.

Comrade, you have got to be brutally honest with yourself if you want to start becoming a winner.

Otherwise you’ll end up like me (and so many millions of others): confusing losing activity with winning progress.

Winning is not spinning: just because the wheel’s turning, doesn’t mean the vessel is going anywhere.

If you want to go somewhere, you have to have traction. You have to bring that spinning wheel back down on the ground where the rubber meets the road. If you cannot accept this reality, then you are going nowhere…you are living a delusion.

It sure looks pretty, but it ain't goin' nowhere...
It sure looks pretty, but it ain’t goin’ nowhere…

One of the biggest delusions that keeps people “spinning” in life is the delusion of productivity. Winners are truly productive. Losers do not produce anything…they just exist and collect a paycheck every two weeks.

Just because you have a job doesn’t mean you’re productive. Unless you’re using the job to sustain yourself while you actually produce, chances are you’re just lazy.

A lot of men out there suffer from the severe delusion that bringing home a paycheck means they can plop down on the couch while their wife cleans and takes care of the kids. This is what a loser, not a winner, does.

Most people can’t wait for the weekend to come. For them, this means they get to oversleep, watch television, and stuff their faces with booze and ice cream sandwiches.

Like most people, I also cannot wait for the weekend. But to me, the weekend indicates one thing: it’s showtime. That’s because I am a winner.

Face it, fans: most jobs don’t produce anything at all, they just push paper from Point A to Point B. That is, by very definition, unproductive.

Welcome to Loserville: Land of Gray Monotony
Welcome to Loserville: Land of Gray Monotony

If you want to be a winner in life, then you absolutely have to be productive. And if you want to be productive, you must go way above and beyond the basic efforts for survival. This means that when you get off work, then it’s time to work.

Let me repeat that, because it’s extremely important:

Winners are productive. And if you want to be productive, you have to work even when…no, especially when…you’re off.

When I first heard that three years ago it was extremely depressing for me. And since I was a narcissist, I had to convince myself of the delusion that I was somehow special…somehow exempt from this rule. I convinced myself that there was a “flowing, omni-present love” in the Universe that wanted me to succeed…if only I just “believed” it enough.

It was about that time when I discovered The Law of Attraction, the #1 biggest delusion that cripples people, reducing them to nothing but daydreaming losers. After beating that dead horse to death (sic), I realized that there was more to The Law of Attraction…and that missing element was action. Discovering this was a huge step in my growth, and it allowed me to experience a fair amount of success as a Law of Attraction author on Kindle.

I tried really hard to help people to see the delusion that I saw. But most of them couldn’t, because they lacked the ability to take the hits in life. They didn’t have the guts to admit that the real ingredient behind every winner is hard work.

Nobody in the LOA community wants to hear that. So I have rightfully abandoned them…BUT, I have a message of inspiration for those of you out there who are depressed by the idea that you have to work extremely hard for an indefinite amount of time in order to be successful.

inspiration
There’s hope for people who feel that they “can’t” work hard.

You see, my work ethic now is disgustingly productive. And I sure wasn’t born that way.

When people hear the words “Work hard to be successful.” most of them cringe on the inside. From there, they usually respond in one of two ways:

  1. “Oh I guess I’ll never be successful then.”
  2. “Nah…I’ll be successful just by being awesome.”

 

My delusion was of grandeur, the second one. But most people aren’t narcissists, so they suffer from the first one, which is a delusion of inferiority.

Both are delusions. And both will render you lazy and unproductive.

But there is a way out, and it’s called PASSION.

Passion becoming a burning desire.
Transmuting Passion into Burning Desire

When you have passion, a magical thing happens: all of a sudden you unlock energy that you never knew you had.

Energy is a funny thing. People look at it like a glass of water. That is, when you spend energy, the water level goes down; and you need to eat, sleep, and relax in order to fill it back up.

I’m telling you it doesn’t work this way. Energy is more like a state of being.

Think of it according to Newton’s First Law of Motion:

An object at rest tends to stay at rest. (And, yes, this includes your lazy ass.)

belphegor
Belphegor – The Demon who seduces you with brilliant ideas but then tempts you with the deadly sin of sloth and laziness.

But in contrast, the First Law also says:

An object in motion tends to stay in motion.

The proud and productive Rocky Balboa, my #1 hero and role model.
The proud and productive Rocky Balboa, my #1 hero and role model.

Your body is a chemical machine. The specific cocktail of chemicals that are produced depends on your emotional disposition. If you are thinking thoughts that make you feel sad, then your body starts churning out those chemicals to produce the feeling, or experience, of sadness.

But when you feel passion, your body will produce chemicals that kick your brain into high gear. Passion feels good. Passion breeds energy. When you feel passionate about something, your brain will turn up the juice. Right now, my heart is pumping like crazy…and it feels really good. I’ve been writing this article for over four hours and it feels like 20 minutes have gone by (no joke).

When people are truly “in flow” (or “in the zone” as they say) with something they’re passionate about, time seems to stop. It’s the reason why entrepreneurs and musicians can work for hours and hours without noticing any fatigue.

“D/C, how do I find my passion?”

To find your passion, ask yourself what you loved most as a kid. Try to remember the times in your life you felt most alive. Open up a journal and keep writing things down nonstop until you hit something that moves you emotionally.

Some people already know their passions in life but they sadly don’t believe that it’s worth spending time on because they “have bills to pay, kids to watch, a house to clean, etc.”

If you don’t have time for your passion. Make time.

And what if I told you that no matter what your passion is, there is a way to make money with it? Would you believe me, or sink back into your delusions of inferiority?

We live in a truly amazing world today with literally infinite possibilities to make a living. You just have to work at it. If you don’t feel like your passion is worth spending time on, then set a goal to eventually make a living from it.

That way you don’t feel like your passion is merely a side project, and you’ll have more “juice” to pursue it. The resources are all out there. The internet provides you with unlimited ways for you to sell your brand, product, art, or even ideas. Today, there are no more excuses.

There are infinite possibilities with the internet.
The infinite possibilities of the internet.

Don’t be alarmed if your passion changes over time. You might find that as you delve into your passion, it becomes more focused and more custom tailored to you. This is great because it only excites you even more, intensifying your energy levels to accomplish more.

Or, you might find that you have lots and lots of passions and you struggle to pick one. My advice is to just start anywhere. Because you will likely find out later down the road that you are able to combine these passions in a way that you never thought of.

For example, maybe you love building/repairing tricycles, riding motorcycles, and you’re obsessed with unicorns. How in the heck could you possibly bring all these things together?

Well one thing you could do is start a blog called “Trikes, Bikes, and Unicorns” that has a theme of pursuing all of your deepest passions in life.

This is just one, small, insipid example. But you get the point.

In reality, you will have to invest a heck of a lot more thought to find that perfect balance. But it’s there, if you keep looking for it.

I probably have the worst situation when it comes to having too many passions. It has taken me years and years to figure out how I can make money from doing all the things that I love to do. But I finally managed to tie it all together.

What I figured out was that I am an appreciator of all things and that I love having all kinds of unique experiences in life. So what I came up with is the unique concept of Life Questing. As I write this, I’m the only one in the world doing this at the level that I’m doing it.

The dark, yet illuminated journey of life questing.
The dark, yet illuminated journey of life questing.

Life Questing is exactly what the world needs. We’ve become so detached from reality and the finer things in life. Most of us are constantly absorbed by glowing screens that we forgot how to truly connect with others and ourselves. We’ve forgotten about the power of nature and the mysterious forces of the Infinite.

My chief aim is to use life questing to restore the significance of consciousness on Earth.

What’s your chief aim? Do you even know?

If someone were to ask you right now what your definite purpose in life is, what would you say?

Go on, answer the question.

Not having a chief aim — a definitive goal and vision for your future — is essentially like searching for an ‘X’ without a treasure map.

Get a treasure map. It is the most important part of becoming a winner and getting what you truly want in life. Stop drifting around aimlessly because you’ll be dead before you know it. Imagine the pain of looking back on your life with shame, regret, and disappointment.

I’ll leave you with one final quote before I do a recap of all the amazing things we’ve learned today:

“You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits!” -Rocky Balboa

You gotta be willing to take the hits.
You gotta be willing to take the hits.

 

Recap on How to Become a Winner:

Step One to becoming a winner is admitting you’re a loser.

Two ingredients for anything you want in life are Desire and Persistence.

Productivity does not equal “doing things”.

Hard work is required, but it doesn’t have to be grueling and arduous.

Passion is the key to making hard work fun and rewarding.

An object in motion tends to stay in motion.

Develop your chief aim and stop at nothing until it is satisfied.

Bonus: Winners want others to win. Help me win by sharing this article:

5 Comments

  1. Nancy said:

    What a confrontation, eye ooener, lots to think about and work thru. I am ready! Thanks

    September 25, 2014
    Reply
  2. TheGreyWolf said:

    “Just because you have a job doesn’t mean you’re productive. Unless you’re using the job to sustain yourself while you actually produce, chances are you’re just lazy.”

    That right there describes the last 35 years of my life where I have worked up to 3 jobs, 100 hours a week, for months at a time.

    And I have produced…

    Nothing.

    Interesting post.

    I’ll be back.

    October 11, 2014
    Reply
    • D/C Russ said:

      You seem to be looking at your situation observationally, which is good. That post wasn’t designed to make you feel bad. If you’re lazy, that’s okay. I can’t stress that enough. It’s okay to have things wrong with you…to have problems…to be lazy.

      What’s not okay is living a delusion. Thanks for being honest with yourself, champ. Let me know how I can help you.

      October 11, 2014
      Reply
  3. justin said:

    if your wife has zero tolerance for BS, then why did she put up with your ego maniacal delusions for so long?

    November 1, 2015
    Reply
    • D/C Russ said:

      Because she says I’m tenacious and she looked at the effort as an investment. Well now it’s paying off.

      November 1, 2015
      Reply

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