You probably have put two and two together by now to realize that I love giving people helpful mentalities that afford them a better means to get what they want out of life. You can’t always choose what you get in life, but you can almost always choose what you get out of it.
Today, we’re talking relationships. Everyone knows that you get out what you put in. Relationships are just like anything in life. They require effort, they suck horribly from time to time, and they can be extremely rewarding with immense payoff.
But everyone also knows that, like business, it’s important to find the right partner(s). I think this step is far easier than most people make it out to be.
It’s not so much about finding the “one true love” or the “soul mate.” To me, it’s about making a heart-centered decision each and every day that you want to be with a specific someone. From there, it takes effort and time.
At least in America, people focus on compatibility instead of growth. The difference is that one is much harder to affect change in than the other. And this is probably a lot of the reason why we have such an insanely high divorce rate in this country.
But…that’s neither here nor there.
The point is, whether you want to start a relationship or save one from doom, there is one concept that I have found to be immensely helpful. And I’d like to share this simple idea with you:
Run your love bucket on full.
Think of your relationship as having a “love bucket”. The fullness of that bucket is directly proportional to the quality of the relationship.
Most people run their “love buckets” on empty, constantly depleting it and then filling it up just enough to where things are tolerable/agreeable. This will ruin a relationship in the same way that routinely not getting enough water will ruin your health.
If you want to have a good relationship, make the extra push to fill the love bucket up. Once full, you’ll find that it’s really not all that much more work to keep it full than it would be to keep it just above empty.
The bucket is also slightly tapered, so it does actually take slightly less work to keep it just above empty…but the effort sure isn’t as pleasant. It’s usually “easier” to keep the love bucket just above empty in the same way that it’s “easier” to cram fast food in your face every day.
“Easy” ain’t necessarily the best way, bro.
The most fulfilling things in life take effort. That’s why I strive to make every reasonable effort to add more juice to the love bucket. There are a never-ending number of ways to do this; and, just like anything in life, the effort starts from within.
You can’t fill up a love bucket if your own life energy is depleted. We all need food, rest, and water. Get stable in your own life and in your own mind before focusing on the tangible things you can do. If you don’t have a whole lot of energy at the moment, or your life is in “crash and burn” mode, then there’s one simple thing you can do to add some more volume to the love bucket…
…and that is gratitude.
Thanking your partner for their efforts is probably the most simple and effective way to fill up the love bucket. It works immensely well.
Another simple thing you can do is listen. This used to frustrate me immensely until I realize that it takes way, WAY less effort to sit and listen than it does to argue. Since I usually prefer to hang on to my energy and use it wisely, listening is a great tool for me in every aspect.
You don’t have to “agree” with what your partner says. Just listen. It’s like the easiest thing in the world if you can learn to not freak out when shit hits the fan.
Anyway, I hope this helps! Whether your relationship is starting to feel like a fiery abyss or an icy cold tomb, give some love to the love bucket and you’ll see things start to change pretty quickly.