A delicious explosion of flavor and an intensely psychoactive experience.
It’s time you go on a quest for the most amazing coffee experience that a human being can have.
Believe it or not, comrade, but every cup of coffee you’ve ever had was dead.
When coffee is roasted, it becomes old, stale, and lifeless after a week. And it doesn’t matter if it’s vacuum packed, sealed, and wrapped in the fanciest packaging…nothing can prevent the imminent death of roasted coffee.
Once upon a time, coffee was a magical, spiritual experience that was consumed as a ritual. But the consumerist culture we live in has degraded this God-given, magical superfood into a poor substitute for the incredible experience that now awaits you.
If you’re ready to embark on this quest, then simply follow the steps below.
Step 1: Acquire the quest items.
You will need to purchase a sack of unroasted coffee beans. All you need is a metal dish or pan to roast the beans in. You can grind the coffee by hand with a mortar and pestle (or improvise) or with a coffee grinder. And finally you’ll need a flame-safe container to brew the coffee in.
Step 2: Build a fire and roast.
Get the fire nice and hot and wait until it’s burned down to a red-hot bed of coals. Place your pan/dish onto or prop it up just above the coals and stir/mix the beans gently and consistently.
You will hear two cracks: one happens at about 10 minutes in and the second happens at about 20 minutes in. Once you hear the “second crack” then remove the beans from the heat and begin the cooling process. Blowing on the beans lightly will also help remove the chaff from the beans.
Step 3: Grind, brew, and consume!
Coffee reaches its maximum potency within 11-20 hours after roasting. But that doesn’t mean you can’t consume it right away.
Once the beans are cooled, finely grind them and place them into your brewing device, which again can be improvised. You can also place the grounds directly into water, but bring the water to a boil first and ideally have a way to strain the grounds from the beverage after it’ finished brewing.
I like to add some more fuel to the fire in order to get a small flame to help boil the water faster. You can also build a full-size fire and create a tripod by leaning three sticks against each other and suspending the container over the fire. Or you can set it right on top of the flames, it really doesn’t matter.
Once the coffee is a nice, rich, dark color, pour it into your cup and enjoy that first magical sip.
That’s all there is to it!
I’ve found that this method of coffee consumption is truly an enlightening experience. The taste and aroma is magnificent and the psychoactive effects are profound. The “high” is a rather elevated one that feels clean and pure, unlike with store-bought coffee. The effects are noticeable for several hours after consumption and you don’t experience the same crash that you do with pre-roasted, pre-packaged “coffee”.
Here’s mud in your eye!
Roast, brew, and enjoy a magnificent cup of coffee over a campfire.
Share this Quest
Want to share the magic with your comrade? You can email them this link: