One of my favorite fiction books is the Robert A. Heinlein classic, Stranger in a Strange Land.
The book is about a human, named Mike, who is born on Mars and possesses extraordinary, super-human abilities despite knowing very little about the culture and customs of Earth.
Being written in 1961, the book explores several themes that were highly controversial at the time, such as passion, love, sex, and sexuality.
Sexuality is – and has been from a very early age – an important part of my self-expression. I believe that it is one of the most intense ways that human beings can connect with each other.
So it’s no wonder why I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out how to further enhance the depth of my sexual experiences.
What I’ve learned is that the number one thing that can enhance any sexual or intimate encounter is presence of mind.
This is far from easy and can take a great deal of practice. But I’ve noticed that the rewards come quickly and immediately.
Check out this quote from Anne, main character in Stranger in a Strange Land:
“I’ve been kissed by men who did a very good job. But they don’t give kissing their whole attention. They can’t. No matter how hard they try parts of their minds are on something else. Missing the last bus—or their chances of making the gal—or their own techniques in kissing—or maybe worry about jobs, or money, or will husband or papa or the neighbors catch on. Mike doesn’t have technique . . . but when Mike kisses you he isn’t doing anything else. You’re his whole universe . . . and the moment is eternal because he doesn’t have any plans and isn’t going anywhere. Just kissing you.” -Anne, Stranger in a Strange Land
On Mike’s planet, society and culture are wildly different than on Earth. The beings on Mars don’t have the same level of sexual repression that we have here.
People of planet Earth are shamed about their sexuality starting at a very young age.
And as we go through life, women are called sluts/whores/etc. Men are called pigs/dogs/etc. And anyone who doesn’t fit into one of these two rigid categories is called a faggot/weirdo/etc.
We have a lot of problems around sexuality. And it is these problems that lead to a level of sexual shut-down that makes it really difficult to connect with other people in a way that’s fun, healthy, and pure.
It is this deep-seated shame that prevents us from being truly present in any type of sexual or intimate connection.
And it often seems like the closer you become to someone, the more that your deepest sexual shut-down will begin to surface. This is why many people have more difficulty engaging sexually with their partner than they have had with people that they did not know as well.
There’s nothing “wrong” with this…in fact it’s quite natural.
But the way people deal with this unfortunate reality quite often makes the situation worse.
Because sexuality is such an important part of our identities as humans (whether you choose to express it or not) a rejection in the bedroom can feel very much like a rejection of oneself.
To be sexually unwanted or to feel undesirable in anyway can be quite a painful experience. And, indeed, this emotional pain can become intense enough that it can lead to projections like blaming, shaming, and even physical violence.
I think we can all agree that this is no good.
So the first step in any close, intimate connection is the acceptance of oneself as a sexual being. There is no room for shame and blame, regardless of if it’s against someone else or it’s self-inflicted.
Learning to accept yourself and being able to openly communicate your sexual identity and interests is the key to becoming more present in any sexual encounter.
It can be quite uncomfortable to stare into your loved one’s eyes and connect with them as deeply as you can.
It’s vulnerable. It’s scary.
But if you can allow yourself to be seen as vulnerable, you will gain a depth of fulfillment that you cannot get through any other means.
It is through having the courage to open yourself up and offer yourself fully that the most intense pleasure can be gained. This means offering your full attention and thus allowing yourself to become completely present.
When two people connect via their energy, the pleasure is far more intense than can be experienced on the bodily level alone.
To seek pleasure on the level of form alone – the body – is to severely limit the depth of what can be experienced through a sexual encounter.
So before embarking on any sexual experience, choose instead to connect via mind.
The body is but a vehicle to transmit the intense sexual energy that can be communicated energetically on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
And the number one way to enhance this beautiful form of communication is by being as present and focused on the connection as possible…
…the more you practice this, the better your sex will become. And the more fulfilled you will feel as a result.