There are a lot of reasons why it’s helpful to get along with other people. It helps you and it helps them…a true win-win.
Not only will you earn more friends, but you’ll also get more perks, more opportunities, better connections, and more warmth in your heart knowing that you’ve helped another person feel more appreciated.
This, to me, is the ultimate form of charity you can offer.
Getting along with other people is more than just liking them, but it’s also about being a likable person yourself.
In this article, I’ll go over some easy ways that you can make getting along with another person an enjoyable, two-way street.
Secret #1: Stop questioning, start accepting
It is actually quite foolish to judge people when you really think about it. It’s hard enough to know yourself…why would you try to know someone else?
I’ve often said that language is an unintended play of self transformations and revelations. But I think we can fall into a trap when we try to analyze why others think the way they do.
What I’ve found to be far more important than “figuring someone out” is to just accept them for where they are.
This practice of non-judgement will bring you great peace and allow you to avoid a lot of the anxiety and stress that might come up while you’re engaged in conversation.
Simply allow the other person to be who they are and express themselves as they choose. There is no need to form conclusions or make judgments of any kind.
Secret #2: Give them energy
When we’re talking to people we tend to focus on ourselves. But if you train yourself to focus on the other person, they will feel strangely drawn to you. Your attention will compel them to open up and be genuine.
By paying attention to someone, what you’re actually doing is directing your conscious energy to flow into them, allowing the other person to have more clarity of thought and come up with conclusions that they wouldn’t otherwise think of on their own.
It sounds stupid, I know…but it’s actually quite magical. But if you just try it out yourself, you’ll see what I mean.
I’ve gotten very good at giving other people my energy when they’re talking. And in a very short amount of time, I notice the other person seems to take on the energy I’m sending them.
For example, I was just talking with one of my neighbors who was angrily recounting a story about a wrong that was done to them.
It was way too easy for me to start judging them as an angry person and coming to conclusions about them and why they keep experiencing very similar situations in their lives.
But I changed my thinking and then allowed them to simply “just be.” In a matter of minutes, my inner disposition changed from feeling defensive to peaceful. This helped me to simply listen to them with a clear and peaceful mind.
Not long after this, I saw a wave of calm sweep over the person as they realized for themselves that such angry thoughts were not helpful in resolving the wrongdoing or living a peaceful life.
My neighbor effectively took on my energy and was able to process their grief much faster, bringing the two of us closer and creating a stronger, more trusting connection.
Secret #3: Validate your fellow human
This one is a big one…and indeed my favorite.
I’ve tried to explain this to many people and, frustratingly, very few of them could understand what I was talking about.
But in my experience, the art of validating another person is the most powerful way to create affinity between you and someone else.
And it goes hand-in-hand with Secret #1. But this secret takes it one step further.
Quite often in conversation, a person will say something that we disagree with, that upsets us, or is otherwise perceived as offensive and/or hostile.
In these situations, the tendency is to either become defensive, outright disagree with the person, or start to pull away in the conversation.
I argue that by choosing to react in any of these ways, you are engaging in hostile behavior.
My definition of ‘violence’ is a rather broad one. But I believe that any act of separation is technically “violent” and only serves to diminish and harm another person.
But whatever you want to call it, the energy behind the action is a rather destructive one and will breed contempt among your fellow humans.
What you can do instead, comrade, is simply validate your neighbor.
Note that there’s a world of difference between agreeing with someone and simply validating them.
When you validate someone, you display the recognition that you accept them for where they are in their journey.
You accept that the way they see the world is exactly how you would see it if you were that person in that very moment.
It is the highest form of non-judgment, as you look at the other person with eyes of understanding and compassion, rather than hostility and separatism.
The key to implementing this secret is to realize that if you were the other person, you would do, say, and think everything they do.
If you had that person’s upbringing, their childhood, their parents, and their billions and billions of cumulative experiences, you would behave exactly as they do.
This is a very powerful realization that helps you to become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
Your participation in the conversation is about understanding, not agreeing with. When you understand someone, you validate them in a way that signals to them that they’re okay just as they are.
This, in effect, frees them from their own mental jail. You’ll never be able to free someone from their jail until they feel safe to leave on their own accord.
No amount of advice (unless specifically requested from you), disagreement, judgment, or separation will effectively manipulate someone into changing their ways.
Only understanding and validation will give them the courage to feel like they can move on and express themselves in other ways.
But…remember…if they don’t change, that’s none of your business.
The idea is simply to validate them by accepting their perspective as playing a vital role in the grand scheme of everything. Think beyond the scale of the interaction…beyond the scale of the world…even beyond the scale of laniakea.
Realize that at the end of the day, the most important thing is to win your fellow comrade’s allegiance. From there, you are in a powerful place of creating lasting change and a positive impression.
In the end, all that really matters is if you were part of the problem or the solution.
And that’s how you can get along with just about anyone.